I have been trying to write a book for a while now and since i haven't made much art lately i thought i'd give ya'll a sample of my horrid writeing. If you would like to critique it go ahead and comment. well, here ye be:
I stared out the cafeteria window at the misty playground. I was alone, musing to myself how the one day I didn’t have the guys watching over me was the one day I didn’t feel up to causing trouble. Opening my Scary Godmother lunchbox a stared at the unappetizing sandwich before me. Normally Patrick would have something scrumptious to share with me but, he was called away for some business trip that had nothing to do with him, again.
Honestly, I thought,
why does his Mom make him follow his “Father” on his “business trips” so much? What’s the big deal? This was, of course, one of those things I just wouldn’t ever understand. My parents were always pushing me away when I tried to bond. It got so bad I just quit. It was clear they wanted me to go away, but this is how life is with a lawyer and a cop as parents.
Jaick was, apparently, at home with the flu if teachers are to be trusted in this matter. I, of course, thought something bigger was afoot. Jaick just didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would get sick. I dunno
how a guy can seem invincible but he did. It was much more likely he had found out about a secret showing of some “never before seen” episode of Red Dwarf in the next town over and hadn’t had time to tell me before he rushed off. I tapped my nails on the windowpane while my mind wandered. Something about the click of chipped silver nails on a window has always been soothing to me. I hammered out a few bars of the theme song for “the Bat” and wondered if Mrs. Raine would like a visit. She always invited me over when the boys went on hiatus. I decided to give her a visit.
I knocked on the old rickety door painted grey blue, to the great distress of the rest of the house, which was the color of butter. I heard her scuttle to the door and heard the high squeak of the bolts being slid out of the four dusty locks. It wasn’t that she was afraid of anyone coming in. She just loved the looks of locks. The door opened to show an old woman who looked an awful lot like a gypsy. Her silvery hair was pulled into a loose bun at the base of her neck and wisps of hair escaped to hang in small waves. Her somewhat tanned skin crackled like old leather when she grinned crookedly at me.
“Mina! Oh sweetie, I didn’t know you were coming. Come, come in! We must have some tea!” Mrs. Raine shooed me into the house and I was greeted by the scent of herbs. I made my way to the kitchen, brushing hanging scarves out of my way while the adorable old woman chattered on behind me. “-Great news! It’s so exiting! Oh sweetie if you knew you would be so exited too! I am just so glad you came over today. I was just trying to find your number to tell you-oh, do you want Earl Grey or one of my blends?” Suppressing a giggle I gestured to the beat up, old tin she was holding labeled ‘worms root’. She nodded and climbed down from her counter. She bustled about the kitchen, putting the kettle on, cutting up sandwiches, getting out the preserves, none of which she would let me help with. Every time I tried she would say “oh, sweet! You’re a guest! Sit, SIT!” and push me back into the oversized armchair. When I was little I liked to think she was the enchantress who cursed beast and she took the chair from the castle for his rudeness. I still felt small in it. Finally Mrs. Raine sat down.
“I’m sorry dear, I’ve been rude. How was your day?” she asked, pouring our tea in her mismatched tea set.
“It wasn’t very interesting, rather lonely, actually. Jaick and Patrick were both gone and as you know there aren’t very many sensible people in the school. What your good news?” I took a sip of my tea. It was Mrs. Raine’s special calming blend.
“My Great Niece called me a few hours ago! She’s coming back to live with me. I’m immensely looking foreword to it! Apparently her and her son have been having some trouble in LA with a rather nasty character. The second things are worked out they are going to drive out here. More tea?” I looked at my tea and realized I had drunk it all. I nodded and handed her the cup. As she filled it up she said, “David, my nieces son, is about your age-I think- and rather sensible last I checked. I haven’t seen them in such a long time. I’m sure you’ll get along swimmingly. Jaick and Patrick should like him too. Frankly I don’t know how I’d react if you didn’t get along. You’re the kind of kids he should be around, not to mention I am rather fond of all of you and will wish for you to come over quite often.”
“I’ll try to get the boys to come over with me sometime,” I assured her as I sipped from the chipped blue teacup I always drank from when I came over. We talked like this for hours.
Thank you for reading. please give constructive criticism.
